I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
