At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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