Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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