3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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