i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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