i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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