Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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