Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
