Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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