I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
