Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
