It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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