WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
