My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
