At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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