I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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