It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
