Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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