kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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