i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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