Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
