I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
