I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
