I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
