You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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