genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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