I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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