Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
