Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
