Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize