I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just had sex bonerless
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
