Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
