I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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