I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
