Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
