remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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