she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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