He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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