is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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