I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
