Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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