My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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