I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
