I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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