i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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