I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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