I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
