i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have aggressive nipples.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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