hotel room ftw
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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