All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
