I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
