you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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