what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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