my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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